When we meet someone, spend a little time with them, and even see them around we think we KNOW them, but how well do you really now someone? How long does it take to truly know a person inside and out?
I have a couple of VERY close friends that truly know me to the core. There are a lot of others who think they do and give me labels like... cold hearted, man hater, the strong one, loner, etc. yet not one of these "labels" truly describes me.
Here's my story, and at the end I'll tell you the label I have given myself....
I was raised by a single mom with 3 siblings that lived with us, and another that did not. I never met my biological father until I was 26 years old. Our household was never like anyone else's. It wasn't that neighborhood house that all the kids wanted to hangout at, in fact we were rarely allowed to have friends over. I'm not going to try and paint a pretty picture of this amazing childhood, because honestly it was not. Being raised by a single mother who had issues with depression, no patience, and honestly did not know how to handle 4 kids on her own was not the ideal life. There was physical, emotional, and verbal abuse that went on in our home, and I never felt "good enough" growing up, sadly we all "escaped" as soon as we could and started our own lives.
I moved to another state shortly after I left home, following my boyfriend at the time. About a year later we had a beautiful baby girl. I thought life was going to be perfect from here on out and I wouldn't make the "same" mistakes in my life that my parents had. Was I wrong.... I went on to be married and divorced 4 times, twice to the same man. I definitely did not make great choices in the men I married... and I know now that they were just part of my path and the lessons I needed to learn. I made a choice after my last divorce that I would not marry a man with any type of addiction, and decided that I needed to find myself before I ever thought of getting in to another relationship. I realized that I was a "fixer", and I chose men that there was no way I was ever going to be able to fix, and that left me feeling like a failure.
My kids and I struggled for quite a few years just trying to make ends meet, but they never went without. If there was one thing I learned from my mom it was to work hard at everything you do. My kids needs and wants came first before me every time. I wasn't the best mom around, I mean we all make mistakes, but I tried my hardest to raise my kids to be amazing! And luckily even though they endured all of my screw ups I'm happy to say they turned out pretty damn good!
I'm at the point in my life that my kids are basically grown and I'm nearing being an empty nester... which has opened up a lot of time for me to reflect on my journey, and here's what I've figured out... I'm not perfect and will never be, no one here on earth will ever achieve that greatness. Through all of the struggles in my life I have come out strong. I know my childhood had some affect on who I am today, but I don't carry it with me. I don't carry that label that I had to grow up too fast, that I was abused, or that I never felt good enough for anyone. It actually pushed me to be a different person and to show myself that I am "enough", and that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. I still haven't found that "perfect" man, but I'm not discouraged, I know that when the time is right God will send me the man who is meant for me. I know that during all of the trials I have gone through in my marriages/ relationships that I was being shown not to settle, not to rush, and that believing in myself and the good person I am will take me farther in life than I ever thought.
So what label do I feel describes me??? ME... I am ME and only ME. I am not a product of my childhood, my relationships, or my past. I am the person I have chosen to be... Someone who loves whole heartedly, forgives freely, who gives too many chances even when I get hurt. I am the person that will drop everything to help a friend in need, will drive hours to put a smile on someone I care abouts face. Whether it's what everyone else thinks I should be, or not I am at a point where I don't care. I am ME!
So how well do you really know the people in your life?
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