WHEN LIFE RELEASES YOU FROM TOXIC SITUATIONS

WHEN LIFE RELEASES YOU FROM TOXIC SITUATIONS

We've all been in the position where we've had to release toxic situations from our lives i.e. jobs, relationships, friendships, and even family, but have you ever noticed that the way we choose to react to these situations really lays out how we feel during the process? If we're always fighting that change instead of embracing it and allowing ourselves to take the time to reflect, and the time off by letting go of what is wrong in our lives, can we ever really learn from the situation and find peace in it?

I know personally I used to fight these changes tooth and nail in my life, because I was afraid of not only feeling like a failure, but also that I was losing someone or something that had been so important in my life. It's taken a lot of hard lessons and coming to realize that if we trust in God to provide us with what he knows is best in our lives how can we go wrong?

I've gone through a few different situations like these recently in my life and when I look back and see how I handled them and how I felt after the situation was over.... it was only then that I realized how toxic not only those situations can make my life but also my way of handling them.

I was in an extremely toxic relationship a few years ago with a man that turned out to be very dangerous. I knew this was not a good situation from the start but he was fun, exciting, mysterious, and why not give it a try.... so I ignored all of the red flags and jumped in with both feet. BIG MISTAKE! The relationship really only lasted about 4 months but the repercussions and the harassment continued for another year. When I was finally able to step back from this situation and take the time to reflect it was almost like I could feel the toxins from this man releasing from my heart, body, and soul. It took me a year and a half to get back to the point where I felt as though I could step back in to this "world" and allow people back in to my life. During this time I found myself again... I grew spiritually and I made the conscious effort to take care of me. After such a long period of carrying this toxic person and his negative control over my life with me I was finally free and healthy again, and I embraced it.

I recently left a job that I loved doing but didn't love the majority of the people I worked with. It was really weird to me that I wasn't upset or distraught but was actually relieved to not ever have to go back there again. These people had made me dread going to work every morning, and I could feel it sliding in to my personal life as well. I found myself becoming resentful, bitter, and so negative that I was at a point where I really didn't like myself. The day I left that job I felt almost like I was in a fog. The people around me couldn't really understand why I wasn't "freaking out" or completely upset... how could I be so calm?? Well I embraced it.... it was a blessing in disguise, one that I didn't expect but one that I was going to run with and release all of the toxicity that it brought to my life.

I'm learning to do this in most of the situations in life... it's not always easy but I'm finding that if I take the time to reflect by pulling myself completely out of the situation, taking time off,  and letting go of what is right or wrong... there is a calmness about the decision I have made that makes me sure of what I am doing.

Shortly after the loss of my job I found myself struggling with a "relationship" that I felt like I had put so much in to and it fell apart right before my eyes. I was devastated.... heart broken.... trying so hard to figure out what had happened, and why I had allowed myself to put so much in just to be hurt again. I was lost... so lost that in two consecutive days I ignored signs that I needed to release this and take the time to reflect. I left and went to my friends house in Wyoming, on the drive up my mind was going non stop trying to figure it all out... I missed some black ice, did a complete 360, almost slid of the side of the mountain, and at the last second the car turned and I slid to the other side and in to a snow bank. I didn't take the time to stop and reflect... I was trying to just keep myself busy. The next morning I left Wyoming and was headed back to Utah, I had made this drive several times and knew the way.... but once again my mind was going non stop about what I could have done differently and "WHY" my feelings were so easy to just ignore and be tossed to the side. I ended up getting on the wrong entrance to the freeway and heading in the completely wrong direction. I never even realized that I was going the wrong way until I was 3 hours in to the drive and it finally clicked that I should be home by now. And that was when I lost it... Every emotion that I had been trying to hold back came to a head, and I knew it was time to remove myself, take time off to reflect, and let go of what was wrong. I made a distraught call to my brother and poured out all of this emotion and hurt I had been holding on to and I made the choice that I was packing up my car and I was getting away for a while. And three days later that is exactly what I did....

As hard as this situation was for me at that time, I knew that for me to be able to embrace it was time to stop fighting what I had known for a while and chose to ignore. And that was when I realized how many times in my life I had chosen to ignore the signs in so many different aspects and relationships in my life.

So I drove to AZ and I learned how to embrace the situation... I once again found myself... and I wondered how I had allowed myself to get lost again. I spent time with family and I spent time alone hiking and clearing the toxic energies from my head, heart, and soul... and I embraced the change that life had once again brought me. Did all of those hurt feelings just go away in that two week period that I escaped to reflect on the past and that situation? No... in fact they still come up but not as often as before. Embracing this situation and all of the others in my life that could have potentially taken me to a very low point did something that I never expected.... it helped me to FORGIVE. Forgive those who had hurt me. Forgive myself for allowing and/or ignoring the signs. Not very many people understand how I have been able to forgive some of the people in my life as fast as I have, but the thing I have learned through building a strong relationship with God is... forgiving not only releases ME from the hurt, but it also helps those who have done the hurting.

Why would we want to continue to carry all of that hurt and emotion with us through the rest of our journey??? There just comes a time when instead of fighting what life hands us we have to learn to embrace and find what is right for us by letting go of what is wrong. And sometimes it takes a big scare and getting lost to help us find our way....

Asking God for guidance

Asking God for guidance-

In the past few months I have had a decision that I have been struggling with non-stop. Every time I would "think" I had finally made my choice, I would talk myself out of it and be right back where I started.

I've been contemplating a big move back to the town I was so happy to get out of 3 years ago, and honestly I have really been struggling at the thought of coming back. When I left I was ecstatic! I was not going to be stuck in this little town where everyone knows my business, and if they don't know they just made it up anyway. I was finally going to be able to find a decent man to date and not someone everyone in town had dated or been married to. I was escaping and I vowed to never move back.... Well like they say "Never say never".

About 6 months ago my son, which was the main reason for our move in the first place, decided he wanted to finish high school back home.... in that little town that I had finally escaped from. I was devastated but decided to let him and something told me I would end up back there too.

I have always been the person who tries to turn everything over to God and let things happen the way they are supposed to.... I'm not always the best at being patient while this happens but I really do try. This was one of those decisions I needed to turn over to him, and so I started praying about it. I could not make the decision to move back on my own. In fact I was getting quite accustomed to going and doing whatever I wanted and not being tied to one spot. And then I prayed about it again.... and this time I asked him to please show me a sign of where I was supposed to be. I needed to know if I was supposed to be here or if I was truly going to be on the right path somewhere else. I found myself almost begging him to please help me make the decision that needed to be made. I never thought I would get my answer as soon as I did or the way I did...

I was in that small little town and went to church with a friend of mine and his family. I have come to love this ward, it's one of the few wards I feel completely comfortable. The bishop is amazing and from the first time I attended I felt at home. Well this morning I walked in to sacrament and the first person I ran in to was the bishop. As he started talking to me he asked if I had moved back yet. I told him that I hadn't yet and that I wasn't sure what to do. That I had turned it over to God and was just waiting for him to show me where I needed to be. And that's when he said "You can't wait for him to just show you the way. You need to lay out your options and make a choice of which one you're going to do. You need to put that plan in to action and then pray about it. If it isn't the right path then he will let you know. I don't want you to feel pressured but we really would love to have you here in our ward." All I could do is stare at him, I was a little shocked and then he started again "If you're on a path to the temple, you need to pick a ward and be settled. You have a lot more to learn and even more to teach those around you". And at that moment I knew that the guidance I asked for from God the night before was being given to me now.

I must have had a confused or shocked look on my face because my friend asked me what he had said to me. When I told him and his wife they just smiled and kind of chuckled. My point with this whole post is that when we as for guidance from God it doesn't always come with the answer we want or expect, it comes with the answer that is best for us and the one that will put us on the path that will lead us back to our Heavenly Father.

This was not the answer I wanted to hear nor the decision I wanted to make, but I asked and I received, so now it's time for me to be humble and follow the path he has set for me.

Reflecting on your life...

Reflecting on your life...

When you look back on your life will you have any regrets? Or will you have loved and lived life to the best of your ability? Will you have had a purpose? Or are you spinning your wheels at the corporate job you hate, thinking about the new car you will buy? Will that make you happy? NO... but loving people genuinely will. Caring about the way you treat other people will.

Are you living a life true to yourself? Or will you be 80 and still be miserable and alone? What price are you willing to pay? Are you willing to hurt others to make yourself happy? Or are you the kind of person who's character will be remembered as someone who lived, laughed, loved, and was good to everyone.

Life is too short to continue loving douchebags... it's a fact. There comes a point when you have to quit messing with other peoples feelings and become a genuine person. Do you have regrets? Is there someone you have loved or that loved you, and because of a stupid mistake or a bad choice you lost them along the way?

I remember my mom telling me about her one true love that she lost my entire childhood. My mom was raised in foster care for most of her teenage life. She started dating a boy named Joe and eventually was engaged to him. Her foster parents did not approve of Joe because of his race and made my mom break off the engagement. She walked away from her one true love and was never really happy or in love in any other relationship for the rest of her life. I remember her telling me stories about him but never really knew how much regret she had by letting him go until I read her diary after she passed away 3 years ago. I was heartbroken for her.... I decided to do a little search and try to find out where he was and how his life had gone, but what I found was an obituary showing he had passed just 13 days before my mother. WOW! She was finally with the one man she had always loved and I knew she was happy!

My point of sharing that story with you is do you want to live your life with the regret of losing someone who truly loves and cares about you because you're too busy only caring about yourself? Do you use people or disregard their feelings and emotions for your own personal gain?

I made a promise to myself a little over a year ago that I was going to be someone that didn't have any regrets. I made a conscious decision to love without the fear of getting hurt, because at least I was able to love. As hard as this has been for me after so many heart breaks I can honestly say that even though once again my heart has been crushed... knowing that I gave it my all and didn't run... means no regrets.

13 SIGNS THAT YOU'RE DATING A PLAYER

13 SIGNS THAT YOU'RE DATING A PLAYER

 

We all believe that we will be able to spot HIM... that only those other naïve girls will be swept away by his games. The truth is a player can be THAT good, especially if he's had years to perfect
 his skills, and hone in on what women want, giving it to them in such small doses that they keep coming back for more. He always knows exactly what to say and falling for his womanizing is easy. But if you watch for the signs.... you may be able to avoid the heartbreak of being played.

1. His words do not match his actions- He makes plans that he doesn't keep. If you try to pin him down more than a week in advance you will be standing on shaky ground. Wondering if your plans will come to pass until you are until you are in the midst of them. When he does make plans they are usually last minute. He talks about the future, even in short term, but never follows through.

2. He comes on strong- There is instant chemistry. You both feel it. The texting begins almost immediately. Intimate conversations. Setting up the next date because he must see you. He will not let you slip away, no matter how you resist. And when you try to pull away he comes on stronger.

3. He pulls back, even disappears, as soon as things start going well- Now you're hooked! The relationship you think you're building is moving along nicely. You get along great! The sex/intimacy is amazing! And you are pretty sure that he's THE ONE! Then all of a sudden he slams on the brakes. You are left wondering what happened and what you did to cause this outcome. And sadly you most likely will never know.

4. You spend a lot of time analyzing what he says- He says he adores you. He loves spending time with you. Loves the person that you are. He texts you that he misses you, calls you pet names, and that he wants to see you, but the relationship never seems to progress. If you need to analyze what he says, he most likely doesn't mean it. If a guy is only interested in seeing you, his intentions will be obvious.

5. He still has an active online dating profile- If he still maintains an active online dating profile or profiles long after you've started dating. It's time to find someone new. If a monogamous relationship is what you're looking for... you're not going to find it with him. Waiting for someone to change should never be a consideration.

6. Most of his friends are women- Most of his friends in his daily life are women... and also on social media. Conversation never reveals if he is having sex or has had sex with any of these "friends". You are left wondering if you are any more "special" than any of these women... and most likely you are not.

7. He constantly talks about the women he's dated/ been married to- If he is always talking about the women from his "past" it's a sure sign that he isn't over those relationships and you may want to think about getting out before you get hurt. Common courtesy in dating says to not continually talk about your past relationships.

8- If he ignores and skirts around serious relationship questions- When you try to pin him down by asking direct questions about your "relationship" and he either completely ignores them or only answers what he wants to... he most likely doesn't have the same idea of where you're at in your relationship, and it may be time to move on.

9- Your gut tells you so- Women's intuition is REAL. Trust it! If you think your guy is a player, chances are it is you who is being played!

10- There is never a goodbye- No matter how many times either one of you "breaks" it off, it's never really over. Somehow he always seems to reappear waving a flag like "here I am", even if it's a red one. Never promising more, only toying with your emotions, making you wonder if this time things will be different. The problem is.... they never are. At some point it comes time to recognize the cycle, and break it.

11- His track record for commitment is very poor-  If the guy you are dating has been dating for years (serial dater check the blog) and has no record of a monogamous relationship that lasts more than a year, it is wise to question whether or not he can or will not offer you the commitment you desire. Though there are exceptions to every rule, and people can and do change, the odds are not stacked in your favor.

12. He introduces you or refers to you as a friend-  A guy who is serious about you will make you his girlfriend. He will want you and every other man in the world to know to know you are unavailable. If he refers to you as a friend in public or private, he is making sure everyone knows his options are still open. If he introduces you as a friend or even a friend of a friend... here's your sign!

13. Disappears to the bathroom no matter where you are for long periods of time- If your guy disappears to the bathroom or another room with his phone for long periods of time... don't think he isn't returning texts or checking in on his other "friends".

 

Break the cycle.... GAME OVER!

The apology and explanation you will never get

We all want that apology or explanation after our heart has been broken of "why you felt it was okay to treat me the way you did"or the "I'm sorry for breaking your heart", but truthfully how many of us ever get it?

I personally have never received either in all of my relationships or after a break up. And finally one day I realized that my expectations were too high. I mean really if someone breaks your heart, whether it be by cheating, lying, or just walking away do you really think that they feel obligated to help in the healing of your heart? Not most people...

I guess I see it a little different though. If I hurt someone whether it be by accident or by doing something I know full well will cause damage to them... I feel guilty. I have come to realize that even when a relationship ends with someone I truly loved and cared for that I always hold a special place for them in my heart. I am one of those who beats myself up for my mistakes and can't forgive myself until I have made things right with that person. There is only one person I have ever dated (excluding recent circumstances) or been in a relationship with that I am not friends with or haven't made things right with whether the break up was my fault or there's. And trust me he was one that I'm okay with never making it right...

I have learned that in forgiving yourself you must forgive the other person first. I will say that right now my heart is working on forgiveness for someone I love and care deeply about but couldn't stay with because the emotional roller coaster was too much for my heart. I do know that I have already started to forgive even though it's still so fresh and my heart is still aching... But this forgiveness is not for him... It is for me. So that I can heal and release him from my heart. My heart knows it should never expect to hear an "I'm sorry" or and explanation as to why things happened the way they did but it really would be nice to know that our love culture hasn't drifted so far that we can't still care about another's broken heart....

When did we as a society start acting as though hurting another was okay? When did loving someone become so easy that making them feel like a break up was just "easy come easy go?

HOW TO NOT BE AN ASSHOLE 101

HOW TO NOT BE AN ASSHOLE 101

I'm sure I will get criticized for this post but there are quite a few men that should REALLY read it. I'm not saying there aren't women that are assholes but I would rather talk about the men right now. You would think it would be easy or at least common knowledge to not be an asshole but it's obviously very hard for some people.  So here are a few easy steps to avoid assholism....

• Don't mess with other peoples feelings. Meaning if you truly don't care for someone don't keep them on the line just so you can cast and reel them in when it suits you.
• Tell the truth. No matter how much the truth hurts it's never as bad as finding out you've been lied to repeatedly.
• Don't make lame excuses. If you don't want to spend time with someone then don't make plans with them. Be a man and tell that person you'd rather be doing something else rather than making lame excuses that "something" came up. After the first time a woman will know you're just a coward.
• If you're not ready to be in a relationship then DON'T say and do relationship things.
• DO NOT compare or constantly talk about your ex or exes to the person you are dating. They truly don't want to hear about the things you used to do. If you haven't moved on enough to be okay with your past then you have no business dating.
• If you're dating someone and you've told them they are the only person you're dating be smart and don't flirt with other women on social media, texting, or in public. There's an extremely good chance that the woman you're dating will find out one way or another.
• Don't talk about yourself nonstop. There is nothing more annoying than a man who always turns the conversation to himself.
• And last but not least don't tell the person you're dating that you can't go on vacation with them and then invite another woman to go on a trip with you.... Ya a definite sign of a true asshole.

It's really not that difficult to be a good person so it makes me wonder if some people are just born this way or if it is a learned thing. Instead of playing games and hurting people, why not just be an honest, kind person?

As you can tell I've dated my share of assholes. For some reason attract them... and I haven't quite figured out why. But here's what I do know.... There is NO good reason to lie to someone who cares about you. There is NO good reason to play with anyone's feelings and emotions. There is NO good reason to date someone if you can't make them a priority in your life. There is NO good reason to make someone feel as though they just don't matter. If you have to treat people like this.... you should really get some therapy for your assholism!

LOSING TRACK OF YOUR GOALS AND DREAMS

LOSING TRACK OF YOUR GOALS AND DREAMS

Do you ever find yourself so busy with life that it takes a few months to realize you've lost track of all the things that are usually so important to you? Well that's where I'm at right now...

I'm one of those people who loves being extremely busy, it's when I truly shine. Lately I've found myself lost and not fulfilling any of my goals and dreams. Whether it be going to the gym, hiking, photography, painting, and remodeling... I've found myself not doing any of it. Why? Have I lost my drive? No... but I seem to always let "things" sidetrack me and I get out of my groove, and I don't realize it until I'm completely lost.

Last week was quite emotional for me for a few different reasons, but it made me realize I was so busy "doing" for everyone else that I had lost what made me who I am. I'm one of those people who has always loved to workout and I know that it calms me mentally, but also makes me mentally stronger. I have always loved taking pictures but I found myself selling my camera because I had stopped using it. I had stopped doing everything that made ME who I am.... the strong, independent, loves adventure, fun loving woman that I had worked so hard to be.

So I grabbed my dog, packed my bags, and jumped in the car, it was time for a road trip. Time to just drive with the music loud so I could clear my head and get back to ME. ME the person who always drops everything for everyone else, who drives 3 hours just to spend time with people who are special to me, who will put everything aside just to help a friend or someone I love.... ME who loses track of her goals and dreams because I focus so much on other people.

I  know it sounds selfish but you can't be selfless all of the time without taking care of yourself too. One of the biggest lessons I've learned! Soooo now it's back to taking time for me.... back to the gym, back to weekly hikes, and back to making myself happy so that I can make others happy too.