CHOICES

CHOICES

No matter how we portray it, make excuses, or try to deny it our actions show in the choices we make. What do I mean by this?? Every day WE decide who and what we are going to make a priority in our daily lives. Are we going to choose to live the spiritual life we have chosen? Make an effort for the people we have chosen to have in our lives? Work towards the goals we have chosen to set for ourselves? These are all choices we have to make whether we acknowledge them or not.

We've all heard the saying "actions speak louder than words" and it's true! How long can you hold on to a person, dream, goal, or relationship if you aren't consciously making the CHOICE to work at making it stronger and/or better? Most people have a "breaking point" or a line that they have set either consciously or subconsciously that they just won't allow someone to cross and that's their point of giving up.

I personally find myself adjusting my line depending on the situation. Is this a good thing? I'm not so sure but I have come to know myself well enough that I don't like to be a quitter, nor do I like to fail. There are some people that walk in to my life that I let "EXIT" as soon as I see the first "red flag" and then there are others that overstay their purpose in my life because I've actually allowed them in deeper than most and I know it will actually hurt when they leave. It's almost like I'm prolonging the "ripping off of the Band-Aid" because I'm trying to avoid the pain. When in reality the longer I allow them to stay and show me how unimportant I truly am in their lives, I am making the choice to allow the hurt.

How many of us consciously think about how the choices we make will affect the people in our lives? Is it selfish of us not to? Or is it just a chance we expect people to take if they decide they like having us around? I know personally I try my hardest to not hurt people by the choices I make in my life. Am I always successful in doing so... probably not. That doesn't stop me from continually trying and acknowledging their feelings before I make a choice that could affect them or their feelings.

"When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time." Maya Angelou

That quote is a hard one for me to follow at times. I always have the "what if" in my head and hate wondering if I truly gave someone the opportunity to show their "real" selves.... and typically I end up getting hurt in the end. But once again it comes down to CHOICES.... Make sure the choices you make are the ones you can live with no matter how the situation turns out.

HOW DO YOU LOVE??

HOW DO YOU LOVE??

I saw this meme this morning of Facebook and boy did it hit home, not only in my romantic life but all the way around. The concept that everyone loves differently has been a hard one for me to accept. I used to give my love and friendship away freely and then I would be disappointed when I didn't receive the same back. This is not a new concept for me but one that I am trying really hard to understand and acknowledge in all of my relationships.

Who doesn't get their feelings hurt when they continually go out of their way for someone they feel is important in their lives, and in return they get crumbs back? I know I'm not the only one out there but I always wonder if this affects men and women in the same way?

I've had a few relationships in the past that have really made me wonder... I give it my all and try to make sure the person whom I'm giving my attention to knows how much I care about them and that they are important to me, but in return I tend to get their leftover crumbs of time. It wasn't until a friend of mine told me recently something that her husband had shared with her that it started to make a little more sense to me. "Not everyone loves the same." WHAT?!?

In the past few weeks I have tried to remember this when get my feelings hurt by someone else's actions but to be honest I haven't got it down quite yet. Don't get me wrong here I am definitely not saying that it's "ok" for someone to lead you on, pretend they have more feelings for you than you do, take you for granted, and throw that hook in and keep reeling and casting it as they please, because trust me that is wrong and something I've dealt with very recently. What I'm saying is WE can't expect someone we love or we are friends with to reciprocate the exact actions that we are willing to show because they are not us.

Do I like this concept? Um... hell no! Is it something I am going to have to learn so I am not continually disappointed with people in my life... I'm afraid so. This is disheartening to me at times because when I LOVE.... I REALLY love! I will go out of my way to make the CHOICE to make time for the important people in my life. I'm that crazy one who will drive two hours just to see them for an hour, share their smile, and steal a kiss. And the hard truth that a lot of people are not the same.... well it really sucks!

The confusing part to me that I am still trying to figure out is how do you know if someone love differently than you or if they really are one of those people, I like to call "playas", that really just like having you around along with several others?? You would think by now at the age of 42 I would have figured that one out, but I obviously have not and I still get the line casted and reeled back in more than I would like. I know there is a balance I need to find because I'm also the one that when I've had enough... I'm just done and they will either be blocked from my life or sent directly to the "blackhole of friend zones" where once you land you will never resurface as a few of my male friends have described it.

So the question is how do you love??? Have you learned a balance?

BREAKING UP WITH EGO

BREAKING UP WITH EGO

EGO... Such a little word that can do so much damage in your life. It can make us compete rather than co-operate, criticize and judge others, cling to the past, be manipulative. It makes us more concerned with outward appearances and worldly success. Makes us seek approval, attention, and admiration from places maybe we shouldn't. It makes us strive to be perfect and unable to live in the present moment. 

Ego is sometimes hard to describe because it isn't made up of just one specific thing. It is made up of different beliefs that we acquire over our life time. Ego is usually associated with arrogance, but there are actually positive and negative sides to ego. A person can be completely confident in their skill, ability, self-acceptance, without letting it "go to their head" and interactions with other people. Ego is not love, it is in fact separation from everything we do love. When we let ego take over our lives and relationships we are allowing it to limit us. It limits our words and our emotions. 

"Where God is ego cannot be."-God a story of revelation by Deepak Chopra

How can we believe that we can have ego and still be in the place that God wants us to be? Is it time for you to "break up" with your ego?

MANIC MONDAY

MANIC MONDAY

We all have CRAZY Mondays so here's a slow cooker meal that is amazing!!!


Slow Cooker Loaded Baked Potato Soup

The best loaded baked potato soup that is made right in your slow cooker.

Ingredients

• 4 cups peeled and diced potatoes (about 3-4 large russet potatoes)
• 1 small onion, chopped
• 3 cups chicken broth
• 4 tablespoons butter
• ¼ cup flour
• ¼ cup sour cream
• 1½ cup heavy cream (half and half will also work)
• salt and pepper to taste
• Optional toppings:
• Bacon, cooked and crumbled
• 1½ cups cheddar cheese
• green onions

Instructions

1. Add potatoes, diced onions and chicken broth to your slow cooker. Cook on low 4-6 hours or high 3-4 until potatoes are tender.
2. About 30 minutes before it is done, In a medium saucepan, melt the butter. Whisk in flour and cook until bubbly. Slowly add heavy cream, sour cream. The mixture should be thick. Add this to the soup and stir. Continue to cook in slow cooker for 20-30 minutes.
3. Serve with toppings, or you can also stir them all into the soup. Enjoy!

MAN HATERS

MAN HATERS

Over the past 10 years I have been called a "man hater" at least a thousand times. There are times when I laughed it off and of course had a sarcastic response and there were times when I gave this certain "look" I have perfected over the years and then went in to all of the reasons WHY I should and could hate men.

I won't lie I have made some extremely BAD decisions when it comes to a few of the men in my past. I always like the "bad boys" the guys who were a challenge for me, that were exciting, and a wild. I always thought I could change them or make them love me so much that they would want to be a better person. HA! I'm sure everyone who reads this will get a good laugh over that but what can I say I was young and thought I could fix anything and anyone. Butt here is what I have learned from all of that even though at times I am still labeled as a "man hater" ....

There are some lessons we learn in life that we keep learning over and over until the big guy upstairs can see that we have finally REALLY learned and gotten it right. Have I learned this relationship lesson yet?? Only time will tell... I think I have but I also know that it's not up to me to decide.

Putting up walls doesn't only protect you from getting hurt but it also blocks out some amazing people that you will miss out on if you don't take s few bricks down and let them in. This is a really hard one for me. After two marriages (okay 3 but 2 were to the same man... ugh!!) with men who had issues with addiction, were extremely volatile, and also had infidelity problems, I put up not only a brick wall but I framed and dry walled over the top of it to try and prevent any more hurt coming my way. I left that wall up for over 7 years!! I told myself I could not go through another heart break or have another man be unfaithful to me. Was I a loving and happy person through this time... Not for the bigger part of it. I was bitter, resentful, and in fact did hate the men who had hurt me. I put on this "tough no one can tough me" facade and hated myself for allowing them to ever hurt me. Why did I ignore the red flags? How did I not see what they REALLY were? I was a smart girl and I knew better BUT I now know it was a lesson I had to learn.

About 2/12 years ago when I moved to a new city and started over I met a man that shot me red flags from the first coffee date I had with him. He didn't look like the type I usually went for and I wasn't really even attracted to him, but he was definitely a bad boy and made things quite exciting. And I learned quickly that I obviously had not learned the lesson God needed me to learn. By the time this was over I had not only feared him but other people feared for my safety because of him.

 It was finally at this point that I realized what it was that I was supposed to be learning and my older brother was the person who helped me recognize it. One night when I called him upset and crying because I didn't understand what was wrong with me and why I kept attracting these types of men he simply said to me "Instead of feeling like you have to find someone who you think is at your level and fix them, why don't you try finding someone who you feel makes you want to be a better person and let them lift you up to their level?" WHAT?!?! No one had ever said this to me before and it got me thinking...

My point to all of this and labeling is.... Am I a man hater?? Definitely NOT! In fact I have finally been able to open myself up again, be vulnerable (even though it scares the HELL out of me), and learn to trust again. It's not that I ever hated men but I hated, didn't understand why, and felt stupid for allowing the things that happened in my past relationships to happen.

During all of this I also learned a lot about myself and the part I played in the things that happened, and once I took responsibility for my part and was able to forgive myself and also them.... it was funny how fast my demeanor and happiness changed.

BRAIN OVERLOAD

BRAIN OVERLOAD

Have you ever had so many things running through your head that you feel like it may just EXPLODE?

I've always been one of those over thinkers.... I've tried many things over the years to "still" my brain, some things have worked for short periods of times but then sadly it stops. That's when I find myself not being able to sleep through the night and trying to solve all of my problems along with the worlds while normal people are sleeping.

I'm a person who does not function well with grey areas in my life. I've always been a black/white person to the extent that I get anxiety if some part of my life runs over in to grey for a period of time. I've been told I'm too organized, I plan too much, I have OCD, that I need to just let life happen the way it's supposed to.... Ya the last one freaks me out completely!! What do you mean just let life happen???? People really do that?

And then a few years ago a very smart woman told me that the more I tried to make everything in my life happen the perfect way I saw it in my head the more it went the opposite direction. When I sat back and thought about all of this I was shocked at just how right she was. She also told me that when I was feeling like I just couldn't handle a situation any more to the point where it was keeping me up at night that I really needed to learn to turn it over to God the only person who knew how it should play out in the best way for me. For those of you who knew me during this time... this was the hardest lesson for me to learn. Why you ask... let me explain...

I have always felt I was being held to a higher standard, that more was expected from me, and that I had to be the strong one. Early on the only way  thought  could potentially live up to this was by trying to control every aspect of my life so that no one could screw it up for me. HA! That never seemed to work out very well, but I never knew why until then.

The last few years have brought any struggles and hard times in my life... the difference now is that even though I struggle I have learned that its true turning all of it over to God is the only way I can make it through and stay on the path he has set for me. The path that leads back to him and to happiness. It doesn't matter if it's work, my love life, issue with my kids or friends... he has my best interest in mind always and knows what is best for me. Does it always play out the way I think it should.... (lol) no of course not, but it does play out in the best way and shows me that some things that happen are hidden blessings that have saved me from some even harder times in life.

So now when I go in to "brain overload", I make sure to stop what I'm doing, stop overthinking, and pray. No matter where I'm at, what I'm doing, or what time of day it is... I stop and I turn it over to God because he knows what is best for all of us and where we need to be in life to receive the blessings he has for us.

If you don't already do this try it.... and when your issue is worked out think back and realize when your "Aha" moment was and how much easier life was during that hard time in your life. Do I still struggle to give up this control at times... yes I do, but I have also realized that while I'm holding on to ego and trying to do the job of the most powerful man in our lives I'm only hurting myself.

CURVE BALLS.....

No matter how we try to fight it life always throws us curve balls... how we swing at these curve balls makes the difference on whether we score or strike out in life.

I haven't blogged for a while because life has definitely been throwing me some major curve balls. Some were easy to hit out of the park.... others there were a few strikes and it was a race to make it to first. There is one thing I have learned through all of this... no matter how strong we think we are... if we don't rely on a higher power (in my case God) we will never make it through.

My faith and my beliefs have only grown stronger through this rough patch in my life. Am I surprised by this? No not in the least bit.... so why is it that I struggle to give up the control 100% and only rely on him and his strength?? Part of me knows that it's an ego thing.... while the other part of me seems to think I should be strong enough to handle the curve balls that are thrown my way. And this is where I have to make the changes to let go of ego and control and turn everything over to the big guy upstairs.

Why is it that we allow ourselves to struggle instead of doing the things we know we should? Why do we let ego take us down? And WHY do we keep repeating the same cycles??

So this year my goal is too let go and turn it over to the big guy upstairs when I have not only my daily struggles but also the curve balls that are thrown my way. I know that I won't always hit one out of the park.... but I also know that I won't be left alone to strike out and lose the game.