FINDING YOUR WAY BY GETTING LOST FIRST

FINDING YOUR WAY BY GETTING LOST FIRST

Let me tell you about the adventure in getting lost I had yesterday.... and just where I ended up. The last two months have been pretty chaotic for me, lots of life changes and decisions to make. I've gotten down but have done pretty good of pulling myself back up with the help of some amazing friends and family.

I had been dating a man for the last six months. He was different from anyone I had ever dated before, and he caught my attention from the first date. He was fun, knew how to make me smile, was the perfect gentlemen, and knew exactly what to say. At first I was scared.... I had just healed my broken heart but I made the promise to myself that I was going to give this my all and not hide from the feelings I was having.

Well after six months of questions and never feeling quite like I was ever going to get the effort back that I had put in to this "relationship"..... ignoring quite a few red flags along the way..... ignoring when my friends and family told me I was being played..... and ignoring what my heart didn't want to hear I had to walk away. The final straw which was right up in my face with no way to deny it was seeing a bunch of comments from several different women on some of his social media posts.... comments that for sure said "my guy" was talking to them a lot, dating them, and who knows what else. I felt like someone had just put a knife through my heart right out there in front of the world. How did this happen to me again??? I finally had to send that message that I was done.... and funny there was no response.... a little salt added to the wound for sure.

I left for Wyoming the next morning to see one of my best friends. I hadn't slept well for previous two nights but I had to get away. I was so distracted and lost in my own thoughts inside my head trying to figure out what had happened and why, that I missed seeing some black ice almost slid off the mountainside. At the last second "someone" made my car slide the other direction and in to the snow bank on the other side of the road. You would think that I would have realized what I was being told then but no... I was too sad, mad, and upset to see it yet. I spent the day and that night  with my friend. We talked a little about what was bothering me but we were so busy getting an event ready for her work that it still hadn't been resolved in my head or heart.

I woke up yesterday morning bright and early telling myself I would make great time home and be able to get a lot done.... Well someone else had a different plan for me.

I had driven home from her house quite a few times and never been lost before, but that morning my emotions got the best of me. By the time I made it to the freeway entrance I was a mess. All of the tears that I had been holding inside trying to be that "tough girl that wasn't going to let a man hurt me again" came rushing out. I remember seeing the signs that said I80 EAST and WEST and I thought I got on the right one so away I went crying and being so mad at myself for allowing this to happen. WHY hadn't I paid attention to the red flags? Why hadn't I listened to my friends when they pointed out that things just weren't adding up? And WHY hadn't I listened to the big guy upstairs when he tried showing me that even though I thought this was the right road for me... it was not.

This road trip which should have taken me 2 hours turned in to a 6 hour drive.... you see "sometimes you have to get lost, go down the wrong road that at the time you think is right, before you discover it's wrong.... Turn it around and head the right direction." That was a text that my friend sent me after my journey. And it's SO true!!! I dove 194 miles in the wrong direction before I realized there was something wrong, and then I turned around and drove 291 back in the right direction.

What did I learn from that?? Well first off I tend to get to over analyze problems in my head, I try to not let them out because I don't want to look weak, and then like this the emotion takes over and I have no choice but to deal with it. But most important if we pay attention God will always lead us in the direction we need to be going. He may allow us to get lost first but that's when he knows we will fully turn it over to him and allow him to lead us in the direction we were meant to go.

It's funny because during all of this mess the last two days the song "Jesus take the wheel" was stuck in my head. I guess you could say this was another lesson in faith, giving up control, and trusting in God 100% and knowing he will never let us be so lost that we can't find our way home.