FINDING YOUR WAY BY GETTING LOST FIRST

FINDING YOUR WAY BY GETTING LOST FIRST

Let me tell you about the adventure in getting lost I had yesterday.... and just where I ended up. The last two months have been pretty chaotic for me, lots of life changes and decisions to make. I've gotten down but have done pretty good of pulling myself back up with the help of some amazing friends and family.

I had been dating a man for the last six months. He was different from anyone I had ever dated before, and he caught my attention from the first date. He was fun, knew how to make me smile, was the perfect gentlemen, and knew exactly what to say. At first I was scared.... I had just healed my broken heart but I made the promise to myself that I was going to give this my all and not hide from the feelings I was having.

Well after six months of questions and never feeling quite like I was ever going to get the effort back that I had put in to this "relationship"..... ignoring quite a few red flags along the way..... ignoring when my friends and family told me I was being played..... and ignoring what my heart didn't want to hear I had to walk away. The final straw which was right up in my face with no way to deny it was seeing a bunch of comments from several different women on some of his social media posts.... comments that for sure said "my guy" was talking to them a lot, dating them, and who knows what else. I felt like someone had just put a knife through my heart right out there in front of the world. How did this happen to me again??? I finally had to send that message that I was done.... and funny there was no response.... a little salt added to the wound for sure.

I left for Wyoming the next morning to see one of my best friends. I hadn't slept well for previous two nights but I had to get away. I was so distracted and lost in my own thoughts inside my head trying to figure out what had happened and why, that I missed seeing some black ice almost slid off the mountainside. At the last second "someone" made my car slide the other direction and in to the snow bank on the other side of the road. You would think that I would have realized what I was being told then but no... I was too sad, mad, and upset to see it yet. I spent the day and that night  with my friend. We talked a little about what was bothering me but we were so busy getting an event ready for her work that it still hadn't been resolved in my head or heart.

I woke up yesterday morning bright and early telling myself I would make great time home and be able to get a lot done.... Well someone else had a different plan for me.

I had driven home from her house quite a few times and never been lost before, but that morning my emotions got the best of me. By the time I made it to the freeway entrance I was a mess. All of the tears that I had been holding inside trying to be that "tough girl that wasn't going to let a man hurt me again" came rushing out. I remember seeing the signs that said I80 EAST and WEST and I thought I got on the right one so away I went crying and being so mad at myself for allowing this to happen. WHY hadn't I paid attention to the red flags? Why hadn't I listened to my friends when they pointed out that things just weren't adding up? And WHY hadn't I listened to the big guy upstairs when he tried showing me that even though I thought this was the right road for me... it was not.

This road trip which should have taken me 2 hours turned in to a 6 hour drive.... you see "sometimes you have to get lost, go down the wrong road that at the time you think is right, before you discover it's wrong.... Turn it around and head the right direction." That was a text that my friend sent me after my journey. And it's SO true!!! I dove 194 miles in the wrong direction before I realized there was something wrong, and then I turned around and drove 291 back in the right direction.

What did I learn from that?? Well first off I tend to get to over analyze problems in my head, I try to not let them out because I don't want to look weak, and then like this the emotion takes over and I have no choice but to deal with it. But most important if we pay attention God will always lead us in the direction we need to be going. He may allow us to get lost first but that's when he knows we will fully turn it over to him and allow him to lead us in the direction we were meant to go.

It's funny because during all of this mess the last two days the song "Jesus take the wheel" was stuck in my head. I guess you could say this was another lesson in faith, giving up control, and trusting in God 100% and knowing he will never let us be so lost that we can't find our way home.

SERIAL DATERS

SERIAL DATERS

I read a quote this morning that hit so close to home it was scary. It's something I have told my friends and even people I've dated in the past "I don't date without a purpose. I don't date just to occupy my time. Being in a relationship won't heal you and being single won't kill you."

I have had so many people ask me over the years why I won't date a few different men at the same time until I find the "right one". This "idea" has never made any sense to me. First off I have never been a woman that "needed" or couldn't live my life without a man. My momma must have raised me a little too independent because I know without a doubt that I can make it on my own. Now this doesn't mean I don't WANT someone to love me and spend my time with, but there's a difference. Needing and wanting are two completely different things and a lot of people don't seem to understand that.

I have met a few men (and women) who think it's "okay" to date several people at the same time with no commitment, filling there time with multiple women until someone "better" comes along. THIS is sad to me. Are other peoples feelings really not a big deal when you're dating? Is it really okay to mess with someone's emotions for weeks or months at a time, and the just toss them aside when something shinier comes along? Is the fear of being single so scary that we just don't care who we hurt? I've been told that "this is just how the world works" and on that I call bullsh*t! That is how some people CHOOSE to act towards others.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned but for me to date even just once, I have to feel a connection. I don't date without purpose. I am happy with myself and I enjoy my own company and the company of my friends. I don't need several random men in my life taking up my time when I have no REAL connection with them. I have a bigger journey that I would love to have someone take with me but I won't just settle for anyone. In fact the idea of several men texting or calling me every day makes me actually cringe. I don't have nor do I want to have time for that.

Will I find this Mr. Right without internet dating and dating every man that asks me out?? I have a strong enough faith in the big guy upstairs to know that when the right guy comes along he will show me the way. I've met and dated SO many Mr. Wrongs, Mr. Serial Daters, Mr. Narcissists, and Mr. Selfish/Self Centered that I'm REALLY very good with sticking to my heart and dating only one person at a time. 

I think the saddest part of all of this serial dating to me is that are these people so insecure and afraid of commitment that instead of giving their all to one special person they will risk losing them for the satisfaction of the attention they get from several other women? Once again this makes no sense to me.... and that is why I date with a purpose.

VULNERABILITY

VULNERABILITY

Vulnerability... just a word, right? Not in my case... being vulnerable and opening myself up to hurt or failure is one of the scariest things for me.

I've always been told how strong I am. That my self confidence shows in the way I carry myself. I tend to just look at people when they say these things with "if you only knew" going through my head. What a lot of people don't know is that is my way of protecting myself and not allowing people to hurt me. Being vulnerable and putting myself out there to potentially get hurt is one of the hardest lessons I am learning.

For quite a few years I have been mastering the art of building walls to keep people out so there was no chance that they could hurt me. Trying to control every situation just to make sure I was never allowing myself to be put in a situation where I would have to be vulnerable. Walking away from potential relationships and people at the first sign of a red flag. I was just at a point in my life where I had finally healed from my past and I wasn't willing to allow anyone to take me back to that hurt. I'm sure I walked away from some wonderful people and experiences while adding bricks to my wall but it was how I felt I needed to survive and make myself stronger.

Did my wall always protect me? No... I'm still human.

After a really bad marriage/divorce from a man that took me to what I thought was my lowest point of no self esteem I vowed to stay away from men forever! HA! I did a great job for about 7 years... I refused to really date and filled my life with my kids activities, the gym, having fun with my friends, and healing my heart. It wasn't difficult at that time because my wall was strong and I even joked that I had reinforced it with two layers of drywall and a door with 12 deadbolts. In all reality I was still so hurt and scared of ever feeling that way again. And then we BOOM it not only happened again but worse than before, which I never thought could happen. I could not believe I had allowed myself to open up and be vulnerable once again. What was I thinking????

I bounced back a lot faster after that and here is why. After a lot of prayer, tears, and trying to instantly put that wall back up, I finally realized that I this was a lesson that I needed to learn in vulnerability/ control/ and patience. Yes I have like to be in control of my life. Patience is not something I have because I tend to just handle things myself if they aren't being handled fast enough. And last... I spent so many years trying so hard to not be vulnerable that I was excluding some pretty amazing experiences and people from my life.

Here is what I have learned in the past year from making the conscious decision to be vulnerable no matter what the outcome is.

• People are going to hurt us no matter how hard we try to give our all. It's how we react and bounce back that really matters.
• Being happy is more important than being miserable and adding continuous bricks to our walls.
• Prayer helps me to handle each situation better than the last and allows me to grow.
• Learning to be happy with myself has made it easier to walk through the fire of hurt and come out the other side with my head held high.

A few months ago my brother gave me a CD of Brene Brown "The Power of Vulnerability". I listened to it a few times while driving and it hit home hard! Why was I holding myself back because of other peoples actions?? Just another lesson I need to learn...

I have continued to put myself out there and be vulnerable even when it's uncomfortable for me. As bad as I hate the D word (date) I started to do it again. Has it been perfect and free from hurt? NO... and there are moments when I want to turn and run to hide behind my wall, but I haven't. I'm lucky to have a couple of very good friends that know me well enough to know when I'm headed in that direction and "talk me off the ledge". Do I enjoy vulnerability? I honestly can't day that I do and I'm not sure if I ever will but I do know that we can't go any further in life if we are always hiding behind a brick wall of safety.

CHOICES

CHOICES

No matter how we portray it, make excuses, or try to deny it our actions show in the choices we make. What do I mean by this?? Every day WE decide who and what we are going to make a priority in our daily lives. Are we going to choose to live the spiritual life we have chosen? Make an effort for the people we have chosen to have in our lives? Work towards the goals we have chosen to set for ourselves? These are all choices we have to make whether we acknowledge them or not.

We've all heard the saying "actions speak louder than words" and it's true! How long can you hold on to a person, dream, goal, or relationship if you aren't consciously making the CHOICE to work at making it stronger and/or better? Most people have a "breaking point" or a line that they have set either consciously or subconsciously that they just won't allow someone to cross and that's their point of giving up.

I personally find myself adjusting my line depending on the situation. Is this a good thing? I'm not so sure but I have come to know myself well enough that I don't like to be a quitter, nor do I like to fail. There are some people that walk in to my life that I let "EXIT" as soon as I see the first "red flag" and then there are others that overstay their purpose in my life because I've actually allowed them in deeper than most and I know it will actually hurt when they leave. It's almost like I'm prolonging the "ripping off of the Band-Aid" because I'm trying to avoid the pain. When in reality the longer I allow them to stay and show me how unimportant I truly am in their lives, I am making the choice to allow the hurt.

How many of us consciously think about how the choices we make will affect the people in our lives? Is it selfish of us not to? Or is it just a chance we expect people to take if they decide they like having us around? I know personally I try my hardest to not hurt people by the choices I make in my life. Am I always successful in doing so... probably not. That doesn't stop me from continually trying and acknowledging their feelings before I make a choice that could affect them or their feelings.

"When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time." Maya Angelou

That quote is a hard one for me to follow at times. I always have the "what if" in my head and hate wondering if I truly gave someone the opportunity to show their "real" selves.... and typically I end up getting hurt in the end. But once again it comes down to CHOICES.... Make sure the choices you make are the ones you can live with no matter how the situation turns out.

HOW DO YOU LOVE??

HOW DO YOU LOVE??

I saw this meme this morning of Facebook and boy did it hit home, not only in my romantic life but all the way around. The concept that everyone loves differently has been a hard one for me to accept. I used to give my love and friendship away freely and then I would be disappointed when I didn't receive the same back. This is not a new concept for me but one that I am trying really hard to understand and acknowledge in all of my relationships.

Who doesn't get their feelings hurt when they continually go out of their way for someone they feel is important in their lives, and in return they get crumbs back? I know I'm not the only one out there but I always wonder if this affects men and women in the same way?

I've had a few relationships in the past that have really made me wonder... I give it my all and try to make sure the person whom I'm giving my attention to knows how much I care about them and that they are important to me, but in return I tend to get their leftover crumbs of time. It wasn't until a friend of mine told me recently something that her husband had shared with her that it started to make a little more sense to me. "Not everyone loves the same." WHAT?!?

In the past few weeks I have tried to remember this when get my feelings hurt by someone else's actions but to be honest I haven't got it down quite yet. Don't get me wrong here I am definitely not saying that it's "ok" for someone to lead you on, pretend they have more feelings for you than you do, take you for granted, and throw that hook in and keep reeling and casting it as they please, because trust me that is wrong and something I've dealt with very recently. What I'm saying is WE can't expect someone we love or we are friends with to reciprocate the exact actions that we are willing to show because they are not us.

Do I like this concept? Um... hell no! Is it something I am going to have to learn so I am not continually disappointed with people in my life... I'm afraid so. This is disheartening to me at times because when I LOVE.... I REALLY love! I will go out of my way to make the CHOICE to make time for the important people in my life. I'm that crazy one who will drive two hours just to see them for an hour, share their smile, and steal a kiss. And the hard truth that a lot of people are not the same.... well it really sucks!

The confusing part to me that I am still trying to figure out is how do you know if someone love differently than you or if they really are one of those people, I like to call "playas", that really just like having you around along with several others?? You would think by now at the age of 42 I would have figured that one out, but I obviously have not and I still get the line casted and reeled back in more than I would like. I know there is a balance I need to find because I'm also the one that when I've had enough... I'm just done and they will either be blocked from my life or sent directly to the "blackhole of friend zones" where once you land you will never resurface as a few of my male friends have described it.

So the question is how do you love??? Have you learned a balance?

BREAKING UP WITH EGO

BREAKING UP WITH EGO

EGO... Such a little word that can do so much damage in your life. It can make us compete rather than co-operate, criticize and judge others, cling to the past, be manipulative. It makes us more concerned with outward appearances and worldly success. Makes us seek approval, attention, and admiration from places maybe we shouldn't. It makes us strive to be perfect and unable to live in the present moment. 

Ego is sometimes hard to describe because it isn't made up of just one specific thing. It is made up of different beliefs that we acquire over our life time. Ego is usually associated with arrogance, but there are actually positive and negative sides to ego. A person can be completely confident in their skill, ability, self-acceptance, without letting it "go to their head" and interactions with other people. Ego is not love, it is in fact separation from everything we do love. When we let ego take over our lives and relationships we are allowing it to limit us. It limits our words and our emotions. 

"Where God is ego cannot be."-God a story of revelation by Deepak Chopra

How can we believe that we can have ego and still be in the place that God wants us to be? Is it time for you to "break up" with your ego?

MANIC MONDAY

MANIC MONDAY

We all have CRAZY Mondays so here's a slow cooker meal that is amazing!!!


Slow Cooker Loaded Baked Potato Soup

The best loaded baked potato soup that is made right in your slow cooker.

Ingredients

• 4 cups peeled and diced potatoes (about 3-4 large russet potatoes)
• 1 small onion, chopped
• 3 cups chicken broth
• 4 tablespoons butter
• ¼ cup flour
• ¼ cup sour cream
• 1½ cup heavy cream (half and half will also work)
• salt and pepper to taste
• Optional toppings:
• Bacon, cooked and crumbled
• 1½ cups cheddar cheese
• green onions

Instructions

1. Add potatoes, diced onions and chicken broth to your slow cooker. Cook on low 4-6 hours or high 3-4 until potatoes are tender.
2. About 30 minutes before it is done, In a medium saucepan, melt the butter. Whisk in flour and cook until bubbly. Slowly add heavy cream, sour cream. The mixture should be thick. Add this to the soup and stir. Continue to cook in slow cooker for 20-30 minutes.
3. Serve with toppings, or you can also stir them all into the soup. Enjoy!

MAN HATERS

MAN HATERS

Over the past 10 years I have been called a "man hater" at least a thousand times. There are times when I laughed it off and of course had a sarcastic response and there were times when I gave this certain "look" I have perfected over the years and then went in to all of the reasons WHY I should and could hate men.

I won't lie I have made some extremely BAD decisions when it comes to a few of the men in my past. I always like the "bad boys" the guys who were a challenge for me, that were exciting, and a wild. I always thought I could change them or make them love me so much that they would want to be a better person. HA! I'm sure everyone who reads this will get a good laugh over that but what can I say I was young and thought I could fix anything and anyone. Butt here is what I have learned from all of that even though at times I am still labeled as a "man hater" ....

There are some lessons we learn in life that we keep learning over and over until the big guy upstairs can see that we have finally REALLY learned and gotten it right. Have I learned this relationship lesson yet?? Only time will tell... I think I have but I also know that it's not up to me to decide.

Putting up walls doesn't only protect you from getting hurt but it also blocks out some amazing people that you will miss out on if you don't take s few bricks down and let them in. This is a really hard one for me. After two marriages (okay 3 but 2 were to the same man... ugh!!) with men who had issues with addiction, were extremely volatile, and also had infidelity problems, I put up not only a brick wall but I framed and dry walled over the top of it to try and prevent any more hurt coming my way. I left that wall up for over 7 years!! I told myself I could not go through another heart break or have another man be unfaithful to me. Was I a loving and happy person through this time... Not for the bigger part of it. I was bitter, resentful, and in fact did hate the men who had hurt me. I put on this "tough no one can tough me" facade and hated myself for allowing them to ever hurt me. Why did I ignore the red flags? How did I not see what they REALLY were? I was a smart girl and I knew better BUT I now know it was a lesson I had to learn.

About 2/12 years ago when I moved to a new city and started over I met a man that shot me red flags from the first coffee date I had with him. He didn't look like the type I usually went for and I wasn't really even attracted to him, but he was definitely a bad boy and made things quite exciting. And I learned quickly that I obviously had not learned the lesson God needed me to learn. By the time this was over I had not only feared him but other people feared for my safety because of him.

 It was finally at this point that I realized what it was that I was supposed to be learning and my older brother was the person who helped me recognize it. One night when I called him upset and crying because I didn't understand what was wrong with me and why I kept attracting these types of men he simply said to me "Instead of feeling like you have to find someone who you think is at your level and fix them, why don't you try finding someone who you feel makes you want to be a better person and let them lift you up to their level?" WHAT?!?! No one had ever said this to me before and it got me thinking...

My point to all of this and labeling is.... Am I a man hater?? Definitely NOT! In fact I have finally been able to open myself up again, be vulnerable (even though it scares the HELL out of me), and learn to trust again. It's not that I ever hated men but I hated, didn't understand why, and felt stupid for allowing the things that happened in my past relationships to happen.

During all of this I also learned a lot about myself and the part I played in the things that happened, and once I took responsibility for my part and was able to forgive myself and also them.... it was funny how fast my demeanor and happiness changed.