For those of us who are single the dating world can be quite an experience. Relationships don't seem to be taken as serious as they were in the past. It seems that marriage isn't taken as the commitment it was 20 years ago when couples would stick together and work out their problems together to keep the family unit close. Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying that anyone should stay in a marriage or relationship that involves abuse of any sort or if they truly aren't happy, but has our world really come to the point that people just get married because "hey if it doesn't work, we can just get a divorce." WHAT???
And then we move in to the world of online dating, where we have basically a dating drive-thru of many sites like POF, EHarmony, OKCupid, Zoosk, Match, ldsplanet, Christiansingles, Elitesingles, and many more! Most of these sites offer "personality testing" to match you with someone more compatible. This testing may not be accurate because people may not present themselves truthfully, they tend to leave things out, and how do you truly get to know someone by sitting behind a computer or on the other end of a phone messaging?
These sites offer the access to meet more potential partners, but how many are just endlessly shopping for the perfect partner rather than starting a real satisfying relationship? They offer a different number of ways to get to know a potential date... safe and convenient interaction, without much risk of time and commitment. The downside is that communication through a computer lacks some info that face to face interaction will provide.
So let's get real here... online dating is a numbers game, but it appears to be the way a lot of people do things these days. Our society has turned in to a "drop and shop" kind of world! I'm bored. I don't actually want to work at this and fix this problem. Ohhh look something more shiny! And instantly I'm done with you and headed back to the 24 hour Supermarket to find someone new! We have become dispensable! Online dating sites have made it easy to have throw away dates and relationships. The connection you think you have online is not genuine, you don't know their mannerisms, if they have an eye tick, if they like licking your face, or if there is even an attraction to this person, the chemistry that can only be found with face to face interaction.
How many people have built what they thought was an amazing emotional relationship online with someone but if and when they do meet face to face there is no physical connection there?? In some cases that is where it ends with people being "ghosted" with complete disregard to their feelings and leaving the potential of causing serious hurt. And then it's back to the ALWAYS open Supermarket of choice to find a new "pick of the day" or "flavor of the week".
With the divorce rate as large as it is nowadays the dating pool is very large, but does that mean that choosing quantity over quality is the way to go? I'm not saying that every single man or woman who is on an online dating site is just out looking to see how many women/men they can get, but have you ever noticed that there are quite a few of the same men/women on several different sites? So just in case the shopping at one Supermarket doesn't quite fit their needs they have the others as backup or they shop at all of them. Is it really THAT hard to find someone that we can connect with and want to get to know?? Does online dating making this easier or does it diminish the real substance of meeting someone face to face and feeling that initial spark that tells you "Hey I would really like to get to know you better"??
It's almost like dating has turned in to more of a job interview or a business meeting. Send in your resume (padded or real), attach photos because we need to make sure you look the part for this position, and if it all looks good then you may have the opportunity for an interview, that is of course if I'm really who I say I am and not just hiding behind a computer. You will have 45 minutes to impress me, see if you can hold my attention, and then I will decide if you are lucky enough to warrant a second interview or if you will ever hear from me again.
And yes I know that people date differently.... and not everyone dating online is after sex or a serial dater, that it does take time to weed out the weirdos, but is it REALLY worth it?
Now not all of what I've heard has been bad, there are those that have met their spouses online and are very happy. When I talked to them they said they were very patient and had to weed out a lot of weirdos but they stuck it out and found the "one". And for them I am happy!
Whether or not I agree with online dating or not... here are a few tips that the people I talked to mentioned...
- If you're interested in someone think about the message you send before you send it. From personal experience when I read a message that says "Hi" and nothing else, I'm deleting it. Don't try to be smooth and instead come across as the "not so smooth operator". Sending a message that says "Damn you're hot little lady. Are you in to muscular men?" is not only not going to get you a response from genuine woman with class but it's also going to be sent around to all of her friends and laughed at for months to come. Don't be the "generic junkie" and send a message to someone you have never talked to that says "Any fun weekend plans?"... Really? Why would a woman you have never interacted with just tell you her plans?
- If someone tells you they are going out of town and will be out of touch often... don't be fooled and think you are the only person they are communicating with.
- A lot of men/women actually categorize and use a scale of which potential date gets what night of the week. Thursdays- 6 1/2 to 7, Fridays- 8 to 9, Saturdays- the PRIME night 9 to 10, and Sunday brunch or coffee- 5 to 7. Most are dating multiple people and if they are truly interested they will hold that prime spot for that person.
I have already figured out that online dating isn't for me... I tried a few torturous weeks and was blown away by the messages I received from various men. I can't say that all of the messages I received were out of line or completely off the wall but.... MOST of them were.
Maybe I'm different, I still believe that you can find the "right" man by not shopping at the 24 hour Supermarket or a dating site drive-thru. It really depends on what you're looking for and what is truly important to you. Having my phone "ping" every 5 minutes because someone sent me a "flirt", being told I'm beautiful or sexy by someone who has never met me and most likely never will, receiving messages that offend me or ask me to "hook-up"... none of these things interest me. It's hard enough to weed through the men I meet in the real world, and figure out if I'm meeting the "representative" or the true person, I don't have the time or energy to sit behind a computer and wonder if who I'm connecting with is REAL or fabricated. So.... NO!
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