I've always been one to forgive quickly so I didn't have to carry someone else's baggage with me, but until recently I still held on to the incident or incidents because I wanted to make sure I didn't allow them to happen again. I recently learned that holding on to even the thought of these past hurts, abandonments, heart breaks, and labels WAS still holding me back and not allowing my heart to heal fully.
It's like every time something would happen I would just add another piece of tape to hold that broken piece of my heart together with the rest.... but how can your heart even work if it is masked in so many pieces of tape? After so many years of bottling up all of these feelings my heart has to look like a big jumbled mess of tape and broken pieces.
I'm not sure how many of you believe or even understand my beliefs in Crystal therapy, meditation, past life regressions, energy work, and the alignment and healing of your chakras, but it's a path I strayed from for a few years to learn some life lessons, and thankfully I have found my way back.
When you have any kind of energy work done, whether it be crystal therapy or Reiki, you are able to understand and recognize what bottling up and holding on to negative emotions and past hurts can actually do to your body. And even though this isn't something I would usually share, maybe someone will learn or get something out of my experience.
I have been struggling for quite a while now with my self esteem and self worth being at the lowest point it has ever been at... no I never had a thought of hurting myself but did have thoughts that if I were to disappear off a cliff that no one would even notice. I have never been that person... but after a rough couple of years, some really hard life lessons, my life as I knew it changing and having to find WHO I really was as a person and not as a mother, friend, or sister I was derailed.
Right about the time when I realized how bad I was struggling, I was called home, some of you will understand this, others not so much. Everyone has a soul group, and I had drifted away from mine almost 4 years ago... and now I was home. You see, everyone strays from time to time, they take a different path and learn lessons that they as an individual need to learn to complete the path they chose to follow before they came in to this lifetime. As hard as it is there are times when we have to go it alone to really learn or see where we truly want to be.
I knew that I was struggling but I have never been one to truly open up 100% to anyone and tell them everything, I have always bottled it up inside and internalized it... Not good! I was blessed the other day to be able to have crystal therapy done by my sister/friend/family member.... this is a form of alternative spiritual energy therapy and if you haven't ever tried it I truly recommend it. I have NEVER been skeptical of the power of this work, because I have seen it help and I have also been apart of other energy work and healing.
This is where I learned that the holding on to the past hurts, even though I had forgiven the person who had hurt me, was not only damaging my insides but also causing chaos and blocking my chakras. My whole makeup was a mess! During this therapy I laid there and listened to everything I had never told anyone be verbalized.... if you want to talk about emotions going in to overdrive that is exactly what was happening. All of my insecurities that had manifested from something someone had said to me, labels that were thrown at me, heart breaks from people I had loved, and even some from how I took things wrong from how I thought others felt about me. ALL of these hurts just taped and held back in to place so my heart could still semi function.... How was I ever supposed to move on and grow with all of this still sitting inside of me?
And that is when I learned another lesson.... Forgive and Forget. There is no need to hold on to those hurts, if I have truly learned the lesson I was supposed to from those past incidents letting them go and forgetting about them wouldn't make me have to go through them again, but the total opposite! Releasing those past hurts, labels, abandonments, and heart breaks and giving them to God so that I don't have them destroying me or holding me back. How am I going to do all of that? That's a lot of years to just let go of!
Well I've already started the process... through the crystal therapy, meditation, and prayer. I have felt energy working inside my body before, but I have never felt the energy like I did while having this therapy done. And I feel as though the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders. The pain in my right shoulder, hips, and lower back is nothing like it has been for the past few months. Moving the stuck energy and learning that releasing all of the past garbage has done wonders for my physical body but also for my soul!
I'm on my way and event though I still have questions and I'm not sure where I will end up... I know that following this spiritual path will definitely get me there.
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